Life and Death
by Dreamwvr73Jax
Summary: 12 in the Min & Johnny Series- Johnny's life is changing for the better, but the changes have made him more sensitive to death. Will be continue to be a paramedic now that life means more to him than ever before?


Min was in her bedroom looking at herself in the mirror; she was turning to the side and looking at her profile. She wanted to see if you could tell if she was starting to show. She was only 8 weeks but she was positive she could see something. She touched her lower abdomen and lifted her shirt. She took a small pillow off of a nearby chair and put it in her shirt, she put her shirt down over it and her eyes grew wide at the difference it made.

"What are you doing?"

Min gasped and turned around. Johnny was standing there in the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the doorframe.

"Nothing." She could feel her cheeks glowing and put the pillow back on the chair.

Johnny walked over to her and put his arms around her waist. "Wanting to see what you are going to look like in about 6 months?"

Min nodded. "Yeah, I guess I was a little curious."

"How is my baby today?"

He walked around behind her and put his hand to her, he touched that area very gently. Min put her hands over his. "Fine, good."

"You don't feel sick or anything?"

"No actually the only thing I really feel is hungry."

Johnny laughed. "Now that is a typical Gage trait."

Min opened his arms and turned around. "It's a Duke trait too you've seen Bo and Luke eat, sometime you have to count the silverware after a meal."

The couple burst out laughing and Johnny took her by the hand and led her over to their bed, he sat her down. "Now you just get some rest, I'll take care of dinner."

"But you were at work all day."

Johnny started unbuttoning his uniform shirt. "Yeah but its okay I want you to just rest and relax."

Min got up and stood in front of him; she helped him with his shirt and pulled it out of the waistband of his pants. "Johnny I know what you're doing, it's sweet but you don't have to treat me like a little delicate flower. You know me; I couldn't be delicate if I _tried_."

He sighed and placed his hand on her cheek. "I just don't want you to overdue it, between the club and the house I don't want you to tire yourself out."

Min smiled, he really did care and that touched her. She put her arms around him and touched his back. "I won't over due it I promise, I'll let you know if I feel tired, okay?"

Johnny nodded. "Okay." He felt her hands moving up and down his back. "And just what do you think you're doing?"

She had a grin on her face; she lifted up his t-shirt and was caressing his back. "Oh, nothing much."

He raised an eyebrow. "Uh huh." His blue uniform shirt was open all the way and he took it off.

"Allow me to help you with that pesky t-shirt." She had the ends of it in her hands and lifted it over his head and dropped it.

"Feeling a little hormonal Min?"

The young woman shook her head. "No, if I was we wouldn't be wasting time talking now would we?"

Johnny nodded. "That's a good point."

She smiled and stood on her toes a little and kissed him. "Besides, since when do I need a hormonal influence to attack you?"

Johnny looked at her, and touched her face. "Another good point." He took his wife in his arms and started kissing her.

Johnny was extremely happy as he walked into the stationhouse; he had a brown paper bag with him as he walked into the kitchen. Everyone was sitting at the table; it was Roy's turn to make breakfast. He was making pancakes and filling another plate when he spotted his partner.

"There you are, I had almost written you off as a no show."

Johnny set the bag down at the table and looked at his watch. "It's only 7 30 Roy."

Chet saw the brown paper bag. "Hey Gage what's in the bag?"

Johnny cleared his throat; he looked at all of the men sitting at the table. "I have something to tell all of you."

Chet's eyes got big. "You're quitting?"

Johnny turned and looked at him. "That would just make your day wouldn't it?"

"It'd make my _decade_."

Roy was serving another plate of pancakes; he saw that his partner really did have something important to tell everyone. "Well go on Johnny; tell us what's on your mind."

Johnny shot Chet a dirty look. "As I was saying there is something I have to tell you, something I have been keeping from you for the past month."

"Well don't keep us in the dark Gage, spill it."

Johnny opened the brown paper bag and revealed a big box of cigars, he smiled widely. "I'm going to be a father."

The firemen all got up and started congratulating him, Johnny opened the box and started passing out the cigars. He went over to the stove and handed one to his partner, who handed him a plate of pancakes in exchange. "That's terrific Johnny how far along is Min?"

"8 weeks."

Roy patted his partner on the back. "That really is good news, how do you feel?"

Johnny sighed. "I'm happy but at the same time I'm a little scared."

Roy nodded. "I know what you mean, I was a little scared too when Anne was pregnant with Chris. Have you told Min that?"

"No, I haven't."

Roy flipped over a pancake. "I think you should, maybe the two of you talking about it will help."

Johnny looked back at all of the men, they were eating and not really paying attention to them. He leaned closer to his partner so no one else would hear him.

"It's not that I don't want to be a father Roy, it's just that there is going to be this little helpless baby that is going to depend on me, that's a lot to swallow."

Roy was done with the pancakes so he turned off the stove. "I know Johnny but you know something?"

The paramedic shook his head. "No, what?"

"The first time you ever see that little baby, everything you were afraid of will disappear and all you'll want to do is take care of that little person."

Johnny got an image of himself with a tiny baby in his arms, it made him smile. "Think so?"

Roy nodded and put arm around Johnny's shoulder. "I know so, come on let's eat."

Min was sitting at her desk; she was going over some papers when there was a knock on her office door.

"Come in Bo."

The door opened and in walked her brother. "Hey and how's the little Mama?"

"Fine." She looked up from her papers and saw her brother had something behind his back and a big grin on his face. "Okay Bo what are you hiding?"

"Me? What makes you think I'm hiding something?"

"Well the way you are grinning, I'm your sister remember?"

Bo sighed and nodded. "True, you are."

He brought his hands back around him, he was holding a box wrapped with bright blue paper and pink paper and there were little rattles and bottles on it. "Here."

Min saw it and she smiled. "What's this?"

"A little present, go on open it."

He handed her the present and Min unwrapped it. She opened the box and saw it was a quilt made of blue, pink, white, and yellow squares. Each of the brightly colored squares had baby designs on it, there was a bottle, a pacifier and a diaper pin. The little quilt looked like it was handmade, she picked it up and touched it, it was very soft." Min looked up at her brother and before she realized it, she was crying.

"Bo, you didn't have to do this." She set it aside and got up hugging her brother hard.

"Of course I had to do it." He hugged his little sister back. "But there is no need for water works."

Min let go of him and laughed, she wiped her face. "I'm sorry this sort of thing tends to happen a lot when you're pregnant." She wiped her eyes and looked at the blanket. "It just doesn't seem real to me sometimes."

"Oh you'll know it's real the first time you feel that baby kick you."

"That will be weird the first time it happens."

Min sat back down in her chair and put the quilt back in the box; she folded the tissue paper back across it and put the lid back on the box. "I can't wait to show it to Johnny."

Bo sat down on the edge of her desk. "And just how is Daddy taking things?"

"Good, he has been pampering me a lot but other than that he seems to be pretty happy."

"Are you?"

Min smiled and nodded. "Yeah I am, but a little scared."

Bo creased his brow. "Why?"

"Come on Bo, how much of a mother did I _really_ have? I barely remember her and then one day she was gone." She shook her head and sighed, she looked away from her brother.

Bo knew what she was thinking; he reached out and touched her chin turning her face back towards him. "You're going to be a great mother Min, no one I know has a bigger heart than you."  
Min looked at her brother and smiled; she took his hand and squeezed it. "Thanks."

Bo gave her his famous charming grin. "You're welcome."

Min was in the room that she and Johnny had agreed would be the nursery, it was the first room down the hall from the living room. The couple hadn't started buying things yet but she knew it was only a matter of time before they did. She had Bo's present in her hand and kept looking down at the little folded up blanket, she still found it hard to believe that soon it would be around their child. The nursery walls were white and totally blank; she was trying to get an idea of how to decorate the room and where the crib was going to go.

"Hi."

She turned around and saw her husband standing in the doorway; she smiled at him and put the blanket behind her back. "Hi."

"What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, just getting an idea or two about how to decorate it." She walked over to him and kissed him. "How was your day?"

"Good, the usual." Johnny saw that her hands were behind her. "What's behind your back?"

"Nothing."

Johnny looked at her sideways. "Come on Min, what are you hiding from me?"

Min grinned and brought her hands back around the front, she showed him the little quilt. "A gift from my brother."

Johnny laughed as he took the little blanket from her and unfolded it, the quilt was roughly the size two pillow cases. "It's so small."

"I know, its baby sized."

He sighed and shook his head. "I can't believe something so small is coming."

"You and me both."

Johnny saw how pensive her face got and he folded the little quilt back up and put his arms around her, he lifted her chin with his fingers. "You are happy about this? Aren't you?"

Min's face softened. "Johnny... of _course_ I am, it's just that." She sighed and hung her head. "I don't know."

"You're thinking about your mother, aren't you?"

She raised her head and nodded slowly. "I'm scared Johnny, I want this I really do but I can't help but think about her and what she did. What kind of mother am I going to be to our baby?"

Johnny could see that this was something that weighed heavily on her mind. He hadn't really thought about Min's mother and what affect her leaving would have on his wife's confidence as a mother. He moved his hands from around her waist to rubbing her arms. He was trying to think of something he could say that would put her mind at ease.

"Min, do you love our baby?"

Min saw the seriousness in his dark eyes and she thought about what he had asked. She knew she wasn't far along but she put her hand where one day a big belly would be. She took a deep breath and let what he asked roll around in her mind. There was a tiny life inside of her, it was going to be half of Johnny and half of herself, she started picturing what it would look like. Would it have Johnny's big heart? Or his dark eyes? Would it have her love of reading? And her good head for business? She got a picture of a little child that looked like her husband and the image of that made a lump start to form in her throat. She could see herself holding a baby with Johnny beside her and that made the lump start to get bigger and her heart start to beat hard. She realized that she knew the answer to her husband's question.

"Yes...I do."

Johnny smiled at her and touched her face. "Then that's all that matters. Something that Roy said to me this morning makes perfect sense. He said that when you first see your baby all the fear you had just disappears."

"Fear?" Min hadn't even thought of the fact that her husband might also be a little bit afraid of their impending adventure into the parenthood. "Johnny, are you scared of being a father?"

Now it was the paramedic that was on the spot, he sighed. "I was, but hearing that you were afraid made me feel better." He reached down and put his hand over her hand. "I love our baby too and it _is _going to be a new experience for both of us but I think we'll be okay."

Min looked at her husband, he was right; she smiled widely at him and hugged him.

"Wouldn't you know it, right in the middle of lunch."

The call had come in at 12 30 and Roy and Johnny had only enough time to drop their sandwiches and run out of the kitchen. Roy drove the little red squad down the freeway heading for a ritzy neighborhood in LA, the nature of the rescue was unknown.

"Don't worry about it Johnny, we can finish eating when we get back."

"Yeah, if Chet has left us anything."

Roy glanced at his partner briefly before turning his attention back to the road. "You never did tell me, did you and Min have that talk about the baby?" Johnny lifted the brim up on his helmet. "Yeah we did."

"How did it go?"

"Pretty good, I found out that I wasn't the only one that was scared."

"Min was too? Why?"

Johnny turned towards his partner. "I've never told you this, but Min's mother abandoned her when she was little."

Roy faced his partner, his blue eyes were wide. "You're kidding? She abandoned her? How old was Min?"

Johnny sighed. "She was 5."

Roy shook his head. "So that's why Min was afraid, because her mother had left her right?"

"Right."

"Can't say I blame her."

The squad arrived at a huge grey mansion with long columns down the front of it, they were met at the door by an older man with a black uniform, he was obviously a butler. "It's this way, hurry!"

The paramedics lugged all of their equipment out of the truck compartment and followed the uniformed gentlemen to a study, there was a young man lying on the floor. He was dressed in a black expensive looking suit; his head was bleeding heavily onto the white marble floor. Johnny saw all of that blood; he set the equipment down on the cold floor and looked at the young man's head. There was a towel pressed to it and the light blue towel was turning purple. Roy saw the towel and immediately put the antenna in the biophone.

"Rampart this is Rescue 51, how do you read?"

Johnny carefully lifted the towel, what he saw under it made the paramedic inwardly gasp, half of the young man's head was gone. He swallowed hard and looked at the uniformed man.

"How did this happen?"

The older man with the snow white hair opened his mouth to speak but then shook his head. "There was a gun on the floor when I came in; I took the liberty of removing it."

Roy was on the line with Rampart, he looked at the young man's head and his eyes spoke volumes to Johnny. "I need vitals Johnny."

"Right." He got his stethoscope out and the blood pressure cuff and started taking the young man's vital signs.

The two paramedics had just left Rampart; the young man was pronounced DOA at the hospital. His name was Brian Dickerson, he was 18 and had just broken up with his girlfriend, that was the reason he put the gun to his head and had pulled the trigger. Johnny and Roy had said very little to each other while they were on their way back to the station; finally it was Johnny that broke the silence.

"That was a bad one; half of that kid's head was gone."

Roy sighed. "I know, there wasn't anything we could do for him but I'm glad that we tried, at least no one can say that we didn't."

Johnny always found death hard, especially when it came to someone so young. "He was 18 Roy and he had everything in the world to live for."

"I guess he didn't think he did." Roy saw the look on his partner's face. "Sometimes we get bad calls Johnny, it's all part of the job."

"I know, but dealing with death is something you never get used to no matter how many times you see it."

"It's something no one should _have_ to get used to Johnny."

The paramedic nodded, he was quiet, all he wanted to do was go home but there was still a few hours left on his shift. Johnny took a deep breath and let it out slowly, he hoped that the rest of his day was quiet and uneventful.

Johnny was still quiet when he got home; he opened the front door and looked around for his wife. She wasn't in the living room or the kitchen. He went through the living room and down the hall, he opened their bedroom door and saw her lying on her side, the only thing she had on was a t-shirt and was asleep. He sat down on the edge of the bed and untied his work boots; he took them off and climbed onto the bed. He laid down beside her, put his arm around her waist and held her against him. She stirred a little and touched her hand to the arm that was holding her.

"Johnny?" Her voice was rather sleepy sounding.

"Yeah."

His head was buried against her back, she tried to roll over to face him but he had holding her too tightly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

Min yawned and rubbed her face. "Then why are you squeezing me like a tube of toothpaste?"

He eased up a little and she was able to roll over and face him, Min saw his face and she raised both of her hands to it. "What's wrong?"

Johnny sighed and closed his eyes. "I had a little bit of a bad day."

"Want to talk about it?"

He shook his head slowly. "Not right now."

Min knew that not all of his days were good ones sometimes he had bad ones, very bad ones that he didn't always want to talk about. She knew better than to press the issue, when he felt like talking he would tell her about it. She smiled at him and lifted her head; she closed her eyes and gave him the sweetest of kisses. "Okay. What do you want me to do?"

Johnny looked at the beautiful face of his wife. "Nothing, just stay with me for a while, okay?"

She nodded her head slowly and touched his face. "Okay."

Min was lying flat on her back and Johnny lowered his head and put it against his wife's chest, she said nothing to him, she simply stroked his face. "Just close your eyes and relax."

Johnny closed his eyes and let her comfort him, her gentle touch and warm body made him feel a lot better. That was one of the things he truly loved about his wife. No matter how bad he felt she always made him feel better, no matter how rotten a day he had he knew Min would be waiting for him when he got home.

Min was moving her hand back and forth across his face; she could feel the tension in his body start to disappear. "We booked a new band today."

"Really? Who?"

"Ever heard of band called _The Range Riders_?"

Johnny had heard of that band, they were the newest in country music. "They're on the radio right?"

"Right just starting out, they have a lot of talent."

He yawned and started to fall asleep but he was trying very hard to pay attention to what his wife was saying. Min was purposely trying to make him fall asleep; she knew her rather uneventful day would do it in no time. "Yeah Bo was excited about getting them, if they work out well he'll offer them a permanent slot."

"Oh that's good." He sounded so dreamy that Min almost started to laugh.

"Yeah, King Kong is going to stop by for a drink and then Bo is going to torch the club for the insurance money."

"Sounds nice."

Min covered her mouth and started to laugh, he was gone.

An hour and a half later Johnny opened his eyes, he remembered something his wife had said and she was still there with him. "Min?"

"Yeah?"

He lifted his head and looked at her. "What were you saying about King Kong?"

The young woman bit her lip and turned her head away from him, she started laughing. He touched her chin and turned her face back towards him. "Were you just saying that because you knew I was falling asleep?"

"Umm… no?"

Johnny narrowed his eyes at her. "Uh huh."

Min sighed and kissed him, he looked much better than he did. "So maybe I did, what are you going to do about it?"

The paramedic raised an eyebrow. "You have to be punished."

Min smiled widely. "I like the sound of that."

Johnny grabbed her sides and started tickling her, she tried to grab his hands but she couldn't, she was laughing too hard. "Johnny! Stop it!" She was turning red and was moving from side to side. "You're going to make me sick!"

That stopped him in mid tickle. "What?"

It took her a minute or two for her to catch her breath and calm down. "I said…you are going…to make me sick."

Her stomach and sides were sore from laughing so hard, Johnny touched her stomach gently. "Have you been feeling sick today?"

"A little…just nauseous, that's why I was in here laying down."

Now he felt bad for tickling her, he put his head down on her stomach. "I'm sorry little one; Daddy didn't mean to do that."

Min smiled and touched his head. "You shouldn't be sorry Johnny, I deserved that and besides nauseous is good, it means that little one is growing."

She lifted her head from his stomach and scooted down, she kissed him. "Are you ready to tell me about your day?"

Johnny wasn't really ready yet to talk about it; he kissed his wife and laid back on the bed, taking her with him. "No."

Min was on top of him, looking down at his face; she touched his smooth skin and brushed her lips against his a few times. She moved down to his neck and started kissing it, her fingers started unbuttoning his uniform shirt. She unbuttoned it all the way down and pulled it out of the waistband of his pants. He sat up and she took it off of him all the way and dropped it on the ground. He was wearing a dark green t-shirt with the words **PARAMEDIC FOR HIRE, WILL WORK FOR BEER.** They were in big white letters going across his chest. Min saw it and laughed as she lifted it over his head and tossed it over her shoulder. She gave him a gentle push with her hand and laid him back on the bed; she climbed back on top of him and leaned down.

"Do you want me to stop Johnny?"

The paramedic reached up and touched her face, he shook his head slowly. "No."

Min smiled at him and nodded her head; she kissed his lips and started moving down to his neck.

Johnny sighed, he was lying with his head on his wife's chest, he felt a lot better about the day he had and decided he was ready to tell his wife about it.

"Min?"

"Yeah?" She had put her t-shirt back on and was rubbing her husband's back.

"I'm ready to tell you about my day."

"Okay."

Johnny sighed and lifted his head. "One of our last calls was to a big fancy mansion near Beverly Hills, there was this kid, he had shot himself in the head. I lifted this bloody towel and half of his head was blown away."

Min closed her eyes and shook her head, no wonder he had been so upset seeing something like that would have upset her too. "Was he dead?"

"Pretty much but we did what we could."

She looked up at his face and put her hand against his cheek. "That must have been very hard."

He nodded slowly. "It was, he was 18 Min, 18 years old. He had the rest of his life ahead of him but instead he chose to blow half of his head off. It was so…stupid."

"What did Roy say?"

He smirked at her. "Roy said that getting calls like that was just part of the job, it didn't seem to bother him one bit."

Min shrugged. "Maybe it did Johnny, maybe you just couldn't tell."

He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. "Those kinds of things never used to bother me, I would just blow them off and get back to what I had to do but now…they bother me."

"Why?"

Johnny looked at his wife. "Because of you."

Min creased her brow. "Me? What do I have to do with this?"

He smiled at her that crooked grin of his that made most young nurses at Rampart swoon. "You changed my heart Min; you made it bigger than it used to be."

"Think so?"

He nodded. "I know so. It has made my job a lot more personal than it used to be especially when it comes to death. Death is something a paramedic has to deal with regularly, kind of like an old friend that shows up now and again just to say hello."

Her face grew serious. "I'm sorry."

Johnny creased his brow and shook his head. "Don't be sorry Min, I'm not. A bigger heart has made me a better paramedic, it's just made me a little more sensitive when bad things happen. I feel them more than I ever did before."

"Your job is tough enough Johnny without adding a lot of feelings to the mix."

"I should feel things Min, when you deal with injuries and people that are frightened you have to be able to show them compassion and understanding. I mean look at Brice, he is like a robot, uncaring and cold, I feel sorry for the people he treats they must think he doesn't care."

Min reached up and put her hands on either side of his face. "You _do_ care Johnny; you always have, even before I came along. You are one of the best paramedics in this city."

That made her husband smile. "Thanks."

She sat up slowly and rubbed her stomach. "Boy I'm starving!"

Johnny started to laugh. "I thought you said you didn't feel good."

Min gave her husband a sheepish grin. "Well I didn't but it's gone and now I'm really hungry."

She got off of the bed and headed for the kitchen.

Johnny sighed and shook his head. "And to think she still has 7 months to go." He laid back on the bed and covered his head with a pillow.

Over the course of the next month, Min and Johnny glided easily into their newest roles of parents-to-be. The nursery was beginning to show signs of the impending birth; the couple had bought a dark wooden crib and had bought colors that would suit either a boy or a girl. It was almost the end of July and Min was due to have her first ultrasound, it was going to be their first peek at their new baby. She had her suspicions about what she was carrying but she decided to keep it to herself, she didn't want to tell Johnny anything. She was finally beginning to show, her normally flat stomach suddenly developed into a very small hill. Naturally she and Johnny both were very proud but at the same time Min started to feel her pregnancy a little more. It was Thursday and Min woke up having a small bout of morning sickness, it was 4 o'clock in the morning and she got out of bed fast and practically ran into the bathroom. The hustle and bustle had woken up her husband, he got out of bed, his eyes were bleary and he rubbed them as he walked over to the bathroom door and knocked on it.

"Min? Are you okay?"

"_Fine."_

"You want me to come in there?"

"_No!"_

Johnny felt a little more awake, he heard her getting sick again and he tried the doorknob but it was locked.

"Min open the door and let me come in."

"_Johnny I don't want you to come in, just give me a minute, okay?"_

He heard her get sick for the third time, this time he could hear her crying, that did it. He left their bedroom and went through the living room and kitchen and opened the door to the garage. He had a big red tool box in the back of his Land Rover; he opened it and took out a screwdriver. He went back into their bedroom and crouched down near the bathroom door, he stuck the screwdriver in the lock and after much jiggling and manipulating, the lock was disabled. He stood up and opened the bathroom door, the sight of his wife tugged at his heart. Min was kneeling on the floor; she was bent over so far her forehead was almost touching the cold tile.

"Min."

She looked up at him and there were tears streaming down her cheeks. "It won't stop, I can't stop." Johnny could tell by her eyes and she was scared. He crouched down and helped her sit up, he probed her stomach gently. "Still feel like you are going to get sick?"

Min nodded, she felt so lousy and her stomach was cramping, she could feel another wave about to hit her. She gasped and bent over the toilet. Johnny rubbed her back and kept her hair out of the way. Min started crying hard, she had gotten sick many times in her life but this was different, morning sickness was much more intense.

"All right, it's all right, come on." Johnny sat her back on her haunches. "Put your arms around my neck."

Min did as he asked burying her head against his shoulder, he tucked his arm underneath her knees and lifted her up.

Johnny carried her back to their bed and laid her down, her face was snow white and he went and got a wet washcloth and wiped her face. "I'm sorry Johnny."

"Sorry for what?"

"For waking you up and for the mess."

Johnny shook his head at her. "You don't have to say you're sorry Min." Her hair was sweaty and sticking to her forehead, he used the wet cloth to smooth it back then folded the washcloth up and put it against her forehead. "You just try and rest, I'm going to go get you something for your stomach."

Johnny had been talking to Roy about the morning sickness JoAnne had when she was pregnant. Roy had been a very valuable source of information; he had told Johnny everything about the things that worked for JoAnne whenever she was really having a hard time. Roy had said that flat ginger ale soda was what JoAnne used and that it had worked wonders for her stomach. Johnny had been expecting this bad bout, Min had been having little bouts here and there but he had prepared for the big one that was now here. He went into the kitchen and opened the fridge; there was a bottle of ginger ale that was as flat as the counter. He took a small glass out of the cupboard and poured some for his wife. He went back into the bedroom and saw that she was still awake; she was gently rubbing her stomach.

"Here, I want you to try this."

Johnny adjusted the pillow behind his wife so she was propped up, he gave her the glass and helped her take a sip, her hands shook a little. She sipped the liquid and made a terrible face. "What is this?"

"Flat ginger ale, Roy said it really helped JoAnne a lot when she was having morning sickness." He let go of the glass. "Take another sip; I'm hoping you will be able to keep it down."

"And what if I can't?"

Johnny sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "If you can't then I'm going to have to break out my big black tackle box and give you an IV."

Min closed her eyes, she felt so terrible that this was how her husband was going to have to spend his first day off in a week playing nurse maid to her. "That's what I was afraid you were going to say."

"Well its either I do it or take you to Rampart and let them do it, which would you prefer?"

Min opened her eyes and looked at him, she touched his face. "I want you to do it."

Johnny knew what she was thinking and leaned down and gave her forehead a kiss. "Stop it, okay? I'm glad that I have today and tomorrow off. I'd rather be right here with you during all this then back at the station wondering if you're all right."

That made her smile and she yawned widely, her eyes were starting to feel heavy. Johnny saw this and he got up from the edge of her side of the bed and walked around to his side. He climbed into bed and laid down beside her. "Why don't you try and get some rest?"

"I'm afraid to, what if I get sick again?"

"Don't worry about it, just go to sleep."

Min turned a little towards him and touched his hand. "I'm glad you're here."

Johnny picked up her hand and held it. "Me too, get some sleep."

The peace and tranquility lasted for two hours. A little after 6, Johnny felt someone move the bed, the bathroom door slammed and he sat straight up.

"Damn." He got up from the bed and opened the bathroom door, she was at it again. He knew what had to be done; he left the bedroom and headed for the garage.

Min was back in bed with her washcloth on her forehead; Johnny came back into the bedroom carrying his big black tackle box. He sat on the edge of the bed and put the tackle box beside him, he got everything out he needed including the glass IV bottle.

"What is that?"

"D5W, its glucose water."

Johnny got out an alcohol swab and turned her right arm over. He tapped her arm looking for a vein, he found one near the bend in her arm and rubbed the alcohol pad against it. Min was watching him; her stomach was still cramping pretty bad. "This is going to hurt isn't it?"

"Not if I do it right, turn your head."

"Why?"

"Because, some people faint when they see the needle."

Min did what he asked; she was waiting to feel the prick of the needle.

Johnny inserted the needle in her arm, he took out a small roll of tape and cut a couple of strips, he secured the IV in place and attached the glass bottle to it. "Okay, you can look."

She was surprised when she looked back and saw that the IV was in her arm. "That didn't hurt at all."

"Thanks, I have had a lot of practice putting in IVs." He needed something to hang the glass bottle on; he put it on top of their headboard while he adjusted the drip. "That isn't going to work, I need a pole."

"Use a hanger."

Johnny brightened. "Hey that's a good idea."

He got a wire hanger out of his closet and started bending it. He pulled it apart and made a hook then put the glass bottle in it and hung it on the headboard. "There, perfect."

The sun was starting to come up and Johnny yawned and rubbed his face. "Man I'm tired."

Min was starting to feel better, her stomach was calming down and she had another sip of her flat ginger ale. "Why don't you try and get some sleep Johnny."

"No, I have to make sure the IV is okay."

"You can do that from your side of the bed."

She made a very good point and Johnny closed his tackle box and set it on the floor. He crawled over to his side of the bed and flopped down on it, the bed felt heavenly and he sighed loudly. He looked up at the bottle to make sure everything was going okay, so far it was. He was opening and closing his eyes and Min could see he was having a hard time staying awake.

"Go to sleep you stubborn paramedic."

"I can't." He yawned widely again and Min shook her head.

"Yes you can, Johnny I'm fine, if I feel anything going on with the IV I'll wake you, okay?"

His eyes were closed. "Okay."

That was the last thing he heard his wife say within a few minutes he was out.

Johnny opened his eyes and saw that his wife was sound asleep, the IV bottle was empty. He turned over and looked at his nightstand, the alarm clock on top of it said it was 9 30. Min's arm was extended because of the IV she really couldn't move it much. Johnny scooted down on the bed and reached over her side, he was feeling for his tackle box, he felt the handle and lifted it up. He opened the big black box and took out a wad of cotton and a Band-Aid. He carefully pulled back the tape and gently as he could pulled the IV needle out of her arm. He put the cotton down on the hole and pressed it then put the Band-Aid across the cotton and made sure it was secure.

"Hi."

Johnny looked up and saw her eyes were open. "Hi, how do you feel?"

"Better, my stomach is very sore, it feels like I've been punched there a lot."

"That's normal, think you can eat something?"

"I'm kind of afraid to; I don't want to get sick again." She patted the bed beside her. "Will you lay down with me?"

Johnny moved everything aside and laid down next to her, she put her head on his chest and he stroked her hair with his right hand. "Thanks for taking care of me."

"It's my job."

"As my paramedic or as my husband?"

"Both." His left hand wandered down to her small belly and he moved his hand back and forth across it. "You were scared weren't you?"

"Yeah, during the worst of it I was I thought something was going wrong and that I was going to lose it."

"That's not going to happen."

She lifted her head a little and looked at him. "How do you know that?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Simple, that baby is both Gage and Duke, two very strong and very stubborn families."

Min looked at him and burst out laughing. "That's very true; Dukes especially are stubborn as mules."

"Yeah I know."

She raised her eyebrow at him. "And just what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Johnny looked at her sideways. "Come on Min you just said you Dukes are stubborn."

"I _know_ what I said but you are supposed to say, Why no you aren't stubborn, not one bit!"

"Now you know as well as I do that I'm not going to _lie_."

Min gasped pretending to be outraged; she crossed her arms over her chest and turned her back to her husband. Johnny knew she wasn't really mad, they had been together long enough for him to know the difference between playing and genuine anger.

"So you are mad huh?"

She didn't speak to him and he nodded his head, he was going to call her bluff. "Okay, if that's how you feel, I guess I'll get dressed and go to the station."

Min peeked over her shoulder, there was no way he was serious. She watched him out of the corner of her eye; he got out a clean uniform shirt and a blue t-shirt to go underneath it. He took a clean pair of pants out of the closet and laid them all out on his side of the bed.

Johnny could feel her watching him and it was a good thing his back was turned, he was smiling. His silver badge and name tag were on top of his dresser and he picked them up and bent over his shirt. The badge went above his left breast pocket and his name tag went just above his right breast pocket. He fastened them on and brushed off his shirt; he picked everything up and headed for the bathroom.

"Johnny?"

He only got halfway there, when she called out to him, he turned and faced her. "Yeah?"

"I don't want you to go."

"You don't?"

Min shook her head, her pretty face was frowning and he knew he couldn't resist that face. He sighed and put everything back in the closet and climbed back into bed with her.

"So the ginger ale worked good?"

"Yeah, and so did a D5W IV."

Johnny had gone into work a little early on Friday morning, he knew Roy was the chronic early bird and he wanted to thank him for all of his advice. He wanted to make sure that no one was around when he did it. The two paramedics were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.

"You had to give her an IV? Wow it must have been bad."

"It was bad enough to scare her." Johnny sipped his coffee and tapped his hand on the table.

"Thought she was losing it did she?"

"Yeah, she did, can't say I blame her she was pretty sick."

Roy nodded; his wife too had a few bad bouts of morning sickness. "That's normal, Anne was the same way, she'll feel better once she gets out of this first trimester."

"Almost, in a few days she'll be 13 weeks that's when the percentage goes down and that should be a load off of her mind."

"What about yours?"

Johnny looked at him and nodded. "Off mine too."

It was on the tip of Roy's tongue to confide something in his partner, something that he and JoAnne never talked about because it was far too painful a subject but Johnny was not only his partner but his best friend. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"You know, when Anne and I were first married she got pregnant."

Johnny looked at his partner. "But Chris was born almost 2 years after you got married." He realized what Roy was saying and his dark eyes grew wide. "You mean Anne…" He couldn't even say the words and Roy nodded.

"Yeah she did."

"How far along was she?"

"16 weeks."

Johnny was surprised; he knew that the chances of having a miscarriage went down after the first trimester but that didn't mean that it was impossible. He swallowed hard; he knew he was treading on dangerous ground that could easily crumble around his feet. "Was it hard?"

"Very hard but we got through it, we thought like you did that it wouldn't happen once she got past the first three months." Roy saw the look of fear on his partner's face. "I'm not telling you this to scare you Johnny I really don't think anything is going to happen to Min, she's very healthy and she's young so the odds are in her favor. I'm just telling you not to completely ignore the fact that it _could_ happen even after the first trimester, okay?"

Johnny nodded, he knew that talking about what had happened probably wasn't easy for Roy. "Okay, thanks."

Roy smiled at him; he knew what Johnny was thanking him for. "You're welcome."

"_Squad 51, unknown type rescue, 6919 Kessimer Drive. 6, 9,1,9 Kessimer, cross street, Vinewood, time out 14 33."_

Roy and Johnny were in the bunkhouse mopping the floor; they both dropped their mops and ran into the garage. Captain Stanley picked up the mike.

"Station 51, KMG 365." He passed the written information to Roy as he climbed into the red squad and put on his helmet. He passed the paper to Johnny, who lifted the brim of his helmet.

"Kessimer, I know where that is."

"It doesn't matter if you know, you aren't the one driving." Roy started the red truck and put it in gear, the big white door opened and the squad hit the sirens and was gone.

"_Squad 51, LA."_

Johnny picked up the mike and pressed the button. "Squad 51."

"_Update on call on Kessimer, woman injured in a fall, an ambulance has been dispatched."_

Johnny hit the mike button again. "Squad 51, 10-4."

The address on Kessimer was a bright yellow two story house with a big front yard. The squad truck pulled into the driveway and got out all of their equipment. They ran to the door and were met by a wide eyed young man in his early 20's, he was pale and shaken up.

"What seems to be the trouble?"

Roy could see it had to be something serious, the young man took a deep breath and pointed to the living room. The paramedics ran into the room and saw the man's wife, she was lying at the foot of the stairs, she was on her side holding her stomach. Johnny put down his equipment and crouched down beside her.

"Ma'am, can you tell me what happened?"

Her eyes were wide and she was breathing hard. "I fell…down the stairs."

Johnny put the antenna in the biophone while Roy checked her out.

"Rampart this is Rescue 51, how do you read?"

The voice of Dixie McCall answered him back. _"Rampart base we read you loud and clear."_

Johnny looked at the young woman. "Rampart we have a young woman, approximately 25, she took a fall down a flight of stairs and seems to have stomach pains. Stand by for vitals."

Roy was checking her blood pressure and pulse; the woman seemed to be in a lot of pain, she was groaning, her husband crouched down beside her and took her hand.

"It's going to be okay Honey I promise." He looked at the two paramedics. "She's pregnant."

Roy had written everything down in his little black book and handed it to his partner.

Johnny's eyes grew wide but he tried not to let it show on his face, he opened the book and started reading. "Rampart BP is 100 over 20, pulse and breathing are both rapid, the husband just informed us the patient is pregnant."

"_51, start immediate IV with D5W and transport as soon as the ambulance gets there." _

"51, 10-4."

Johnny put the biophone down and got everything he needed out of the drug box and started the IV. A few minutes later the ambulance got there and the young woman was carefully loaded onto the stretcher. Johnny went along for the ride and Roy followed in the squad.

The ambulance arrived at Rampart and Johnny was carrying the glass IV bottle, the husband was right there with her but was not allowed to go inside. Dixie McCall walked him over to the waiting area and sat him down. Kelly Brackett was there in the exam room when she was brought in, the ambulance attendants lifted the young woman onto the table and there was a huge blood spot on the stretcher. Johnny saw this and he knew right away what it meant. He shook it out of his head and helped Dr. Brackett and Dixie with the young woman.

Roy arrived at Rampart a few minutes later, he was coming in just as Johnny was coming out of the exam room, he didn't look good at all. The husband also saw the paramedic and he got up and walked over to him.

"My wife? Is she okay?"

Johnny nodded slowly. "Yeah she's going to be okay."

He breathed a huge sigh of relief. "What about the baby?"

The paramedic swallowed hard. "Maybe you should be asking Dr. Brackett about that." He tried to walk away but the young man blocked him. "No, I'm asking you, you're the one that just came out, what about my baby?"

Johnny took a deep breath and let it out slowly; he looked down for a moment then slowly lifted his eyes to meet those of the young woman's husband. "The baby…didn't make it."

The husband squeezed his eyes shut. The exam room door opened and Dr. Brackett came out, the doctor's face was solemn, his hands were in his coat pocket. The husband saw him and walked over to him.

"Doc, is it true? Did she lose it?"

Dr. Brackett nodded his head slowly. "I'm sorry, she did lose it."

The husband covered his eyes with his hands and started to cry. Johnny watched him, he felt very bad for the young man, he was a father-to-be himself and he couldn't imagine that pain the young man was feeling. Roy was standing beside him and he touched his partner on the back.

"Come on Johnny, let's go."

The two paramedics walked down the hall towards the exit, the last thing Johnny saw before he walked through those doors was Dixie hugging the young man.

Roy kept glancing at his partner and then back at the road, Johnny had not said a word since they left Rampart.

"Johnny?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

His partner didn't believe him, they had been partners for a long time and Roy knew when Johnny had something on his mind. "You're thinking about that husband aren't you?"

Johnny turned his head towards his partner. "Yeah I am."

"Why?"

Johnny shook his head. "Doesn't anything _ever_ bother you Roy?"

Roy was surprised that he has asked that. "Sure things bother me."

"You could have fooled me; I never see you get upset."

Roy pulled the squad over to the side of the road; he put it in gear and shut off the engine then turned and faced his partner. "I do get upset Johnny, a lot but I don't let it show while I'm on duty. When you and I are in this squad we have to be men of steel, we can't afford to let feelings get in the way of what we have to do." He sat back in his seat a little. "Things never used to get to you Johnny, why the change?"

Johnny covered his face with his hands. "You're right; things didn't used to get to me."

Roy saw the light bouncing off of his partner's gold wedding ring, it suddenly came to him. "It's Min isn't it? She is the reason you've-"

Johnny uncovered his face in a flash. "Gone soft? Is that what you were about to say? Are you implying I don't have what it takes anymore?"

Roy shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't say that Johnny, you did."

Johnny's face grew dark and full of storm clouds. "I am one of the best paramedics in this city! I've been doing this for 6 years!"

Roy nodded. "Yeah you are one of the best but right now you seem to be having a problem."

The paramedic sighed and ran his hand down his face. "I am, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm damn good at what I do Roy and I want to continue doing it but how can I without either being a robot like Brice or an emotional mess?"

Roy put his hand on his partner's shoulder and patted it. "You have to keep it under control Johnny, put it deep down inside of you and when you get home then you can let it out that's what I do."

"Things have gotten worse since Min told me she was pregnant, life means a lot more to me now and so does death."

"Life and death affects all of us Johnny, the trick is _when_ it affects us. When you're at home let it affect you all it wants but when you're at work it has no affect on you, understand?"

Johnny looked at his partner and nodded. "Okay, I'll give it a try."

Roy gave Johnny's shoulder another pat before starting up the squad and continuing back to the station.

Johnny took Roy's advice; he pushed his feelings deep down inside of him and was able to finish out the day with absolutely no problems. He was relieved when 6 o'clock finally came; he went home and walked through the front door.

"Johnny?"

He walked into the living room and put his jacket down over the top of the couch; he hung up his keys and rubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah, it's me, where are you?"

"In our bedroom."

Johnny walked down the hall towards their bedroom, he opened the door and saw her sitting on the bed smiling widely. "Hi."

"Hi, how are you feeling?"

"Good, sit down."

Johnny sat down on the bed beside her, her legs were crossed Indian style and she was touching her belly. "No sickness today?"

The young woman shook her head. "Not since Thursday, in fact I feel great."

This made Johnny smile but it didn't last, what happened earlier in the day was starting to come back to him. He reached out his hand and touched her belly. "Hey little one, how are you doing in there?"

It always made Min smile when he talked to their baby. "Baby is doing just fine, according to Dr. Slayton; in fact I want you to hear something."

Min had a tape on her nightstand, she got up from the bed and went over to her walk in closet, she opened the doors and put the tape in her small stereo that was on top of one of the shelves. She pressed the play button. A soft yet fast thumping sound suddenly came over the speakers; Johnny heard it and creased his brow. "What is that?"

Min's face softened. "Johnny, that's your baby's heartbeat."

His eyes grew wide. "Really?" He listened to the rapid beating and he smiled. "What did Dr. Slayton say?"

Min turned it off and sat back down on the bed. "She said that the heart sounds great."

She laid back on the bed and Johnny stretched out beside her and put his head on her belly. "So how was your day?"

"Not so good, we had another bad call."

"Want to talk about it?"

Johnny sighed and listened to the sounds that were coming from her belly. "A woman took a fall down a flight of stairs, she was pregnant."

Min gasped loudly. "Was she okay?"

Johnny took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "She was fine but her baby wasn't, she lost it."

She realized that this must have been weighing on his mind; she reached out and started stroking his hair. "And not only that but I had to be the one to tell her husband." He swallowed hard. "I had to tell him that his baby was dead."

Min could hear how deeply that pained him in his voice. She put her hands on his back, his head was down and he didn't lift it hugging her around her midsection.

"I'm sorry Honey, I'm so sorry you had to do that."

"You should have seen his face Min."

She rubbed his back, she didn't mind that he didn't lift his head and look at her; she knew the reason why he didn't. "I know that must have been very hard."

Min wished there was something she could do to take away his pain, she suddenly remembered something and she reached out to her nightstand and opened the top drawer. She took a small white envelope.

"Johnny I want to show you something."

He sighed and casually wiped his face; he finally lifted his head and looked at her. Min could see how upset he was, his dark eyes were swimming with emotions and it broke her heart to see him that way.

"What?"

His wife only smiled at him and took out what looked like a photo; she turned on her lamp to make the room brighter and held the photo up to it. It was an ultrasound photo and the shape of something could be seen. Johnny scooted closer to the lamp and looked at it, the photo had a black background and there was something white and transparent looking in the middle of that black.

"What is that?"

Min sat up and carefully picked up the small lamp; she put it between her legs on the bed and put the photo against the shade. She pointed to that little white blob. "See that?"

"Yeah, what is it?"

The young woman looked at him and smiled. "That's your baby."

His eyes grew wide as he looked over the photo again; he finally was able to see what she was trying to show him, you could see the little round head and part of the profile. The paramedic's eyes grew shiny but he was smiling.

"You can really see it." The reality that he was going to be a father soon really hit him, now he could actually see the little life that was inside of his wife.

"I'm really going to be a dad, aren't I?"

"Yeah you really are."

He took the photo from her and held it up to the overhead light, he started laughing. "Wow, you can really see. I think I see some fingers. Could she tell what it is?"

"Not really, it's a little too early; she said we should be able to be to tell when I have my 6 month one."

Johnny sighed and handed her the photo. Seeing his baby had made him feel great, it washed away what happened earlier in the day and he breathed a huge sigh of relief. He wished that the doctor could have told Min what it was, he really wanted to know. Little did he know that his wife already knew what it was but she was keeping it to herself for now.

"I wish I could have been there with you."

Min put the photo back in the envelope and put the envelope back in her nightstand drawer and closed it. "You'll be there for the next one; I scheduled it on one of your days off."

"Good, I really do want to be there."

Min laid back on the bed and stretched her arms out to him. "Come here Daddy."

Johnny accepted her invitation and laid his head down on her chest, she put her arms around him and hugged him. "Feel better?"

"Yeah actually I do, thanks."

"For what?"

"For showing me life when all I could think about was death."

Min lifted her head and kissed the top of his. "You're welcome."

Johnny put a hand on her little belly and stroked it; to know his child was doing fine was a comfort to him. He knew it would only be a matter of time before that baby came into this world and he honestly couldn't wait until that day. The paramedic sighed and lifted his hand; he kissed his fingers and put them back down on her belly.

END.


End file.
